I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
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