he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
