So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
