Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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