who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
