You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
His nipple licking is glorious
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