Define "chronic" masturbator.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
