well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
