I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
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