i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
