I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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