How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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