im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
