there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
