did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
sex in a hospital.. check
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
