I'm gonna have a badass scar
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
