The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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