Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
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