My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
