I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
