Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
