we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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