I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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