Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
