apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
