The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
