Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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