Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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