I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
