Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
