Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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