I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Randomize
