i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
