First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
My penis needs a shock collar
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
