Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
