4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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