Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
