If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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