WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
