I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
