I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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