OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
