if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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