Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
