What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
