dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Every concussion has its silver lining
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
