I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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