There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
