saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
