Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
