I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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