All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
