Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
